Forevermore Read online

“We’re still deciding on a place to live,” Aunt Nell said. “We’ll know as soon as we find a place.”

  Briony glanced at M with worry in her eyes. “Probably after labor day like yours, Caleb.”

  “Finding apartments is never fun, especially in a city,” M offered.

  “We’re looking for a big enough place for all of us,” Aunt Nell said. “We’re trying to find the best place, right, Livy?”

  I nodded and tried to smile, but I was afraid I might tear up if I did. None of the places we looked at last weekend were good. Not one even had a den or a living room big enough for a pullout couch for me to sleep on. I tried not to think about my beautiful room at Briony and M’s. I tried to not think about how I didn’t have to ask permission to get a snack or check to make sure which food in the fridge was ours and which was Paige’s. I tried not to think about how I’d nearly wet my pants several mornings because one of them was hogging the one and only bathroom. It wouldn’t do me any good to remember that Briony and M treated me just like my mom had, not as an afterthought.

  Briony asked Aunt Nell about her work again. That seemed to fill in the rest of the lunch. I felt like my time with them was slipping away, but there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it.

  We all walked outside together. Briony thanked them again for agreeing to the lunch. “We’re going to the Smithsonian tomorrow. We’d love to have you all join us.”

  My hopes soared. I didn’t care if we’d watch grass grow together as long as I got to see them again.

  “I don’t think so, but thank you,” Aunt Nell crushed my hopes in a sentence.

  “Would you like to join us for dinner and a movie tomorrow night? We’re on a plane first thing Monday morning. It would be so great to spend more time with Liv.”

  Aunt Nell looked at Paige for a moment. I couldn’t tell what they were thinking and crossed my fingers that she’d agree. I loved museums and having Caleb there with me would be awesome. Briony and M would make it fun and interesting, but my aunt wouldn’t be into that. She never talked about going to museums for fun. She and Paige liked shopping and dancing for fun.

  Aunt Nell tilted her chin up and said, “Maybe when you come back from Vermont.”

  My eyes widened. They were coming back? Here?

  Briony’s face split into a wide smile. “That sounds great, Nell. Thank you. We’ve missed your niece so much.”

  Aunt Nell’s arm wrapped around me again. “She’s pretty great.”

  My heart pumped harder. That was the first time Aunt Nell spoke like she was happy to have me around. Since ditching Ian, she hadn’t been full of compliments for anyone.

  “She’s the best,” Caleb agreed and my aunt smiled. I think she was starting to like him.

  “We won’t keep you. If you change your mind about dinner or the movie tomorrow, you have our number.” Briony turned to me and swooped in for another hug. “Good to see you, sweetie. You’ve been having fun with your aunt, I can tell.”

  I had to hide my surprise. I thought she could tell that I hadn’t been having fun living here. Both she and M were always good at telling when Caleb and I weren’t really into something. I guess I should be glad she didn’t know that I desperately wished I never had to leave their home. That for the first time since my mom died, I didn’t think of it as their home. I thought of it as my home.

  Caleb hugged me next. “It’s going to be so boring with just the ‘rents tomorrow.” I laughed because I knew he was just acting tough. He loved hanging out with his mom and stepmom.

  M hugged me. “It was wonderful to see you. Text or call whenever you can. We miss talking to you. Nell, it was great to meet you. You too, Paige, and Dillon, nice to see you again.”

  “Same here, Professor D.” He called her by what she was known at school. Paige elbowed him but kept smiling at them.

  “If we don’t hear from you tomorrow, we’ll call before our flight back,” Briony told Nell.

  She shook her hand and we watched them head to M’s car. They turned and waved as they piled in. It was crazy, but I missed them already.

  “I can’t believe you were living with Professor D. She was the best prof I’ve ever had.”

  “She was that good?” Aunt Nell asked him.

  “She’s like a mentor, a story teller, and teacher all wrapped up into one. Bet she was fun at home?” he asked me.

  “She was,” I said before I lost my nerve and thought that Aunt Nell might get upset to hear that I had a good time living there.

  “You liked living with them? You didn’t mind living with strangers?” Paige asked.

  What was I supposed to say? Paige was a stranger, but I was living with her. “They made me feel welcome right away. No other house did that. They asked me if I wanted to stay with them, too. None of the other families asked.”

  “And you didn’t mind that they’re, you know, gay?” Aunt Nell asked.

  I frowned, thinking that was a stupid question. Them being gay had nothing to do with me. “They acted like any of the other couples I stayed with, except they actually love each other and get along. All the other families fought a lot and didn’t really seem like they loved each other anymore.”

  “But do they try to, you know, get you to like girls? You don’t, do you?” Aunt Nell said, shooting a glance at her friend.

  “They wouldn’t do that. That’s—” I cut myself off before I insulted her by saying it was a stupid thing to say. Stupid that she thought someone could make that happen and stupid that she thought Briony or M would force me to like girls. “I’m not into stuff like that anyway.”

  “But you will be. Boy crazy, I mean, you should be. I was at your age, so was your mom.”

  I frowned. Either she didn’t know my mom very well or she was lying. My mom told me that she hadn’t kissed a boy until she was fifteen. She wasn’t even interested until the guy who was my father wanted to date her. She said that her mom never told her anything about sex, so when it happened, she wasn’t prepared. That was the reason she’d explained sex to me not long before she died. She wanted me to be aware and prepared. But she always made a big deal out of telling me that she wanted me even if I hadn’t been planned. Even if having me meant her family turned their backs on her. I never doubted that.

  Aunt Nell pressed her lips together, shooting another glance at Paige.

  “They do seem really together, Nell.”

  “I know Professor D is,” Dillon put in.

  “Maybe,” was all Aunt Nell would agree to.

  M / 25

  Briony’s mother, Susan, was currently arguing with two of the grandkids over naptime. The two littlest in the litter still had to endure the torture of a nap while all the other grandkids got to continue playing together. What amazed me the most was that these two weren’t actually her grandkids. They were Allison’s, Caleb’s other grandmother, but that didn’t matter around here. Briony called it the Vermont compound. Both sets of grandparents lived a few blocks away from each other, and Caleb’s two aunts were within five minutes of Susan’s. Whenever Caleb came back to town, all the grandchildren got together at every location, no matter the relation.

  Tomorrow the kids would be going to Allison’s house. Three of the kids were still in day camp every day, but the rest of the kids would spend the last few weeks of summer bouncing from one house to the next in the compound. In the eight days we’d been here, Briony and I hosted the kids at the hotel pool almost every day. It wasn’t quite the relaxing getaway we’d hoped for, but so far I didn’t mind.

  We were leaving tomorrow. Nine days was enough for Briony and more than enough for me. Caleb would stay with his grandparents until school started, but Briony and I usually took the rest of the summer for a short vacation and some alone time at home. This year, we were going to Boston so Briony could show me around her old haunts.

  Arms slid around my middle from behind me. Instantly I recognized the scent and feel of Briony. Three years ago I would have incapacitated anyone
who got this close to me, much less touched me. Today, touch was still hard for me, still painful from anyone other than my family. I could steel myself for these trips when Briony’s whole family, especially the kids, would all hug, touch, poke, prod, push, pull, and grab me. Knowing they meant each touch with care, it was easier to tolerate. It seemed to get easier and easier each year. I wondered if the pain would fade completely after enough of these visits. It had with Briony and Caleb and Olivia.

  “Hi, sexy,” Briony whispered and kissed the spot just below my ear. “Ready to skip town yet?”

  I chuckled. I knew she didn’t mean right now, but for a fleeting moment, the idea appealed. Poor Susan. She was losing the naptime battle. “I know we planned to leave, but if you wanted to stay, it’s not like we don’t have a flexible schedule.”

  Briony sighed, probably both happy that I was willing to stay near her family and depressed that part of the reason we had a flexible schedule was because Olivia was with her aunt now. “We can always come back and pick Caleb up, but I’m okay with leaving tomorrow.”

  I nodded, leaning back into her embrace. We’d help Susan in a moment, but for now I’d just stand here until the moment was up. Playing the director of fun over the last week helped ease the pain of the reopened wound at seeing Olivia and not getting the most encouraging vibe from her aunt on the visit.

  As petty as it seemed, I’d hoped that we’d find Nell more distracted and less wary. I didn’t think she’d figured out that we were angling for more than just a day or two of visits with her niece. Briony thought she might have caught on. There were certainly enough secret looks between Nell and Paige.

  We’d confirmed our suspicions that Olivia was back to being the inhibited girl she was when she first moved in with us. She hadn’t said more than a few sentences at lunch. And she nearly cried when Briony tried to cheer her up with some encouraging words about how much fun she was having with her aunt. As if we couldn’t tell she wasn’t happy. The flash of disappointment on her face when she thought we didn’t know how she felt anymore was heartbreaking.

  We weren’t giving up all hope. Nell agreed to meet with us on our way back from the airport. That was hopeful. At the very least, we wanted to float the idea of spending more time in Olivia’s life. But the ultimate goal was to follow Austy’s advice and broach the subject of adoption. Nell hadn’t acted like a selfish twenty-something who only thought of herself, but she wasn’t the mother that Briony was. Not even the mother that I was.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  I shrugged and smiled, caught. Briony knew what I was thinking about, surrounded by kids having fun, included in a loving family. “Do you ever miss living here?” I hadn’t been thinking of that, but the thought just entered my head. She must. Her folks showed concern and care and love with every action, her former sisters-in-law treated her like a real sister that they desperately missed and loved, and her former in-laws could easily be mistaken for her parents.

  She gripped my chin and turned my head to look at her. “I do, but I wouldn’t give away my time in Virginia for anything. I relish teaching there, I adore our friends, and I found you when I never thought I’d love again. I found someone who fits me perfectly and loves my son and makes my life happy and whole.”

  I turned to face her, smiling at the truth of her statement.

  “I didn’t have all that before, you know.” Her eyes darted over to gage the hearing distance to her nieces and nephews. “That happens when you marry young. I don’t know how I’d be now if I was still here, but I know I’ve never been happier than I am with you.”

  My eyes misted. “I feel the same way about you. I know how I’d be without you, and I wouldn’t like it at all.”

  She leaned in and brushed her lips over mine. “Let’s go deal with naptime for Mom then we’ll get the rest of the troupes set for an afternoon at the park. Give Mom and Dad their last break of the summer before we dart out of here tomorrow.”

  Boston tomorrow, reliving some of Briony’s past. Getting to know her even better. It probably wouldn’t be possible to love her more, but I never say never with Briony in my life.

  M / 26

  We were meeting in the hotel restaurant. We’d suggested the room we were staying in for more privacy, but Nell wouldn’t go for it. I wondered if our being lesbians had something to do with her comfort level. If so, we’d be in for an unproductive meeting today. As it was, I’d barely slept all night, too hyped about what we were trying to accomplish today.

  “Hi, Nell, thanks for taking the time to come by,” Briony greeted her when she came into our booth. We were in the far corner, meeting at a time when the restaurant was slow. “It’s nice to see you again.”

  “You, too,” Nell said and shook Briony’s hand before turning to me.

  Her palm slid against mine. The discomfort started out as a shock from static electricity. It always did. If it were just that, I wouldn’t need to avoid handshakes. But soon it would flare to something more painful like multiple cat scratches. I could almost always end the contact before it progressed to the agony of swarming bee stings. Thankfully, Nell didn’t seem to want to prolong the handshake any more than I did.

  “How are you doing?” Briony jumped in to pull Nell’s focus away in case I flinched at her touch. “Work going okay?”

  Nell looked at her for a minute then said, “What exactly are you looking for here?”

  I tried to remember that she must love Olivia as much as we did even though she barely knew her and that she was probably feeling a little defensive. But it didn’t help much when she talked to my partner like that.

  “Okay, we’ll get right to it.” Briony turned to me for an encouraging look. “We miss Olivia. She became part of our family when she was with us. We’d hoped to make that permanent.”

  Nell looked like she was going to say something but thought better of it.

  “We were very sad but also very glad when you came for her. We obviously didn’t want to lose her, but it would be good for her to know her mom’s sister again. She misses her mom so much. You must miss her, too.”

  Nell’s eyes shimmered, but she didn’t say anything.

  “When Olivia told us your engagement was off, we knew things would get harder for you.”

  She sat up straighter. “I can do fine for myself.”

  “Of course you can. I meant that I know how hard it is to be a single parent. I was for four years, and it was the hardest time of my life. I had a lot of help from my family, but still, it wasn’t what I’d planned when my late partner and I had our son.” Briony gave her a reassuring smile. “I thought that maybe your plans might have gotten a little turned around when you broke up with your fiancé.”

  Nell nodded, letting out a breath. “I’m not going to lie. The only reason I thought I could raise Olivia was because I was getting married and we wanted to start a family. I can do it alone, but no, you’re right, it wasn’t what I’d envisioned when I petitioned for her.”

  “We understand.” Briony gave me a brief hopeful look then turned back to Nell. “Let me just tell you what we hoped for and then we’ll leave you to think things over. Before you petitioned for her, we wanted to adopt Olivia. We still want to.”

  “That’s not…I don’t…” Nell couldn’t form her thoughts.

  “We don’t want to take her away from you,” I inserted and Nell shot her surprised gaze to me.

  “How is adopting her not taking her away from me?”

  “You’re her aunt. You’ll always be her aunt. We’d want you to be part of her life, as much as you’d want to be.” I clarified and looked at Briony to make sure I sounded nonthreatening.

  Nell’s eyes shifted back and forth between us. The wariness hadn’t left her expression yet. “How do you see that working?”

  Briony glanced at me before answering, “Any way you want it to, Nell.”

  Nell’s brow furrowed. “I never…maybe it could…I don’t know.”


  “Did you see Olivia a lot with her mom?” I stepped in, hoping I could steer her toward what she should already know. She was Olivia’s aunt, not her parent. She might have tried when she was getting married, but alone, barely out of college, needing a roommate to afford a two bedroom apartment, it would be much more difficult than she imagined.

  She considered how to answer my question. Olivia gave the impression that it wasn’t a regular occurrence seeing her aunt. “Not often. When I went to college, we lived in the same town. So a little more then.”

  “Did you ever babysit for Olivia?” I asked.

  “No.” She shook her head, brow furrowing. “Nina always had child care covered.”

  “Then it would be safe to say that your sister wouldn’t have expected you to be anything other than her aunt if she hadn’t passed away?”

  “There’d be no need,” Nell agreed.

  “And if Olivia had a safe, permanent home where she was loved and well cared for, would your sister want you to be anything more than Olivia’s aunt?”

  She swallowed, blinking back tears. As we’d suspected, guilt that she’d survived her sister and loyalty had made her step up to take care of Olivia. The harsh reality of parenting took a back seat when she’d had help and support from her fiancé. She glanced at me then at Briony, who probably looked more sympathetic even though I was trying my best. “I can’t be sure.”

  “No,” Briony took the hint and continued my line of reasoning. “But you can be assured that Olivia will be well taken care of and cherished in our home. You’ll be able to call her and have access to her just as if you were calling your sister’s home.”

  Silence hit us from the other side of the booth. I should have sat us at a four top so Briony and I wouldn’t look like we were on one side and she was on the other.

  Nell took a full minute before she spoke. “I don’t think it’s right for me to just drop her on you. I know she likes you. That’s clear, but it doesn’t mean I should just drop all responsibility.”

  “You won’t be,” Briony denied. “Aunts have responsibility. Now that you’ve come back into her life, she’ll need you, always.”