Blessed Twice Read online

  BLESSED TWICE

  by

  Lynn Galli

  Special Edition published by Penikila Press, LLC

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, events, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental. The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions of the publisher.

  Copyright © 2010 by Lynn Galli

  All rights reserved.

  Original Edition published in 2008

  Cover photo © 2010 iStockphoto.com/Steve Grewell All rights reserved. Used with permission.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted, or stored by any means without the express written consent of the publisher. For information address Penikila Press, LLC, 4917 Evergreen Way, Ste. 439, Everett, WA, 98203

  www.penikilapress.com

  ISBN: 978-1-935611-39-4

  Printed in the United States of America.

  Chapter 1

  If I hadn’t been trying to make a point, I would have skipped this April wedding. Unfortunately, my new group of friends needed to know that I wasn’t heartsick over the nuptials. One of the brides needed to know it, too. The other already did, but my smiling appearance at this festive event would solidify it for everyone. It was the least I could do given how I’d been the stumbling block in my relationship with Jessie.

  “Hi, Briony.” Quinn joined me at the reception after the short ceremony. She’d been one of the few friends who treated me no differently as Jessie’s date than in my new role now that I’d been adopted by her fabulous clan. Nearly everyone else handled me with kid gloves because they thought I’d been ruthlessly dumped by Jessie. It didn’t seem to matter that she’d been the one to fold me into the group.

  “Hello, Quinn. You look nice.” I took in her dark suit, a nice compliment to Jessie’s as her best woman. She’d gotten some sun during her spring break. The new tan magnified her attractiveness and added blond highlights to her honey brown hair.

  “Thanks. That’s a pretty dress.” She looked over the dress that had taken me three shopping trips to find, all to help with the illusion that I was thrilled to be here. “Having a good time?”

  “Sure. Beautiful wedding. Lauren looked gorgeous in her dress, and her dad was cute as a button.”

  “Cap is a riot,” she confirmed about Lauren’s dad. “I’ll introduce you if you haven’t met.”

  “Met who?” Another friend, Isabel, inquired as she and Caroline joined us. Like Quinn and me, she worked on campus where we’d all run into each other on our corner of the University of Virginia compound from time to time.

  “Cap,” Quinn answered.

  Isabel frowned, the crinkles in her mocha colored brow didn’t deter from the attractiveness of her face. “Oh, I thought you were going to introduce her to someone she could date.”

  “Isa!” Quinn admonished as I was objecting, “Hey!”

  “Oh, come on, there’s no better place to meet people than at a wedding. Everyone’s already romantically inclined.” Her thin black eyebrows scrunched up into sleek straight bangs.

  “Yeah, what do you say? There are plenty of beautiful women here today,” Caroline prodded. She and Isabel had become the two in the group I was closest to other than Jessie, whom I’d gotten to know well while we were dating, and Lauren, who had made it a point to get to know me better.

  “Thanks, you guys, but no.” I had to shut this down before any of them ran with it. I didn’t need help finding dates. Or rather, I didn’t want help finding dates. In fact, I didn’t really want to date. The group was a little pushy, though, something that I was still getting used to.

  “You haven’t had a date in a year, Bri, not since…” Caroline and Isabel exchanged a knowing look.

  Crap! Here we go again. “Jess and I are much better as friends. She’s not the reason I haven’t had a date in a while.” No, that blame could only be placed on me.

  “We just worry about you, hon. You’re a fantastic person and no one special has gotten the benefit of that.” Caroline took on the role of head cheerleader today.

  “You’re not ganging up on Bri, are you, ladies?” Jessie’s sultry voice still sent a tickle up my spine. She pulled me close for a hug.

  “Hi there.”

  I gripped her briefly, trying not to stare. She was easily the most beautiful woman I’ve seen, an opinion shared by pretty much everyone. Her long, black, curly hair, dark brown eyes, perfectly sculpted face with a wide mouth that could stun you with a smile or a kiss had captivated many a person before me.

  “Congratulations, Jess. I’m so happy for you.”

  “Thanks. I don’t know what I did to deserve her, but I’ll be thanking anyone who’ll listen for the rest of my life.”

  “Aww,” Isabel crooned. “We don’t know what you’ve done with our Jessie, but keep saying embarrassing things that we can use against her if she ever comes back.” Jessie shot her a bored glance, but the obvious elation on her wedding day broke through. “Get used to me, Isa. Thanks to Lauren, I’m here to stay.”

  “You better be,” Lauren warned in an endearing tone as she joined us, slipping her arms around her new spouse for a light kiss before turning to me. “Thanks for coming, Briony. I’m so glad you cut your trip short to join us. It wouldn’t have been the same without you.” She bent her long, lithe frame to hug me.

  “I wouldn’t have missed it,” I fibbed. I would have, but I felt I shouldn’t. “You did a wonderful job putting this together. Thank you for inviting me.”

  “Of course.” Her blue eyes sparkled at me. That dazzling red hair of hers practically glowed in the sky around her. I was glad to see that any discomfort she’d shown around me in the past seemed to have dissipated. I could finally stop worrying that she might harbor some resentment.

  “We’d better make the rounds, Blue,” Jessie told her.

  Lauren beamed and kissed Jessie again, quickly, but like she couldn’t help herself. Having kissed Jessie myself, I could understand the sentiment. I felt my eyes mist and forced myself to keep from turning away. Weddings! But damn, they were lovely together. The couples in the group all reached for their spouses.

  Yeah, weddings.

  An hour later, I said a quick goodbye to the brides and managed to slip away without anyone else noticing. Jessie’s group of friends, who were now my group of friends, had become unbearable in a setting where single women mingled so nearby.

  The whole afternoon seemed too reminiscent of every picnic scene involving meddling old biddies in a Jane Austen novel. For the past year, they’d been pretty wrapped up in freaking out about two of their friends hooking up and helping to plan this wedding.

  Without that distraction, I seemed to be their new project. Crap squared! I was in for a long summer.

  * * *

  Stepping through my front door, I kicked off my heels and listened to the quiet, hoping. “Hi, babe, I’m home.” Ten more seconds of quiet passed before I started down the hallway and into the living room, turning slowly, taking in the neat, nearly unrecognizable room. Since I’d left my son, Caleb, with his grandparents in Vermont for the rest of his spring break to return for this wedding, I’d made it a mission to get organized and keep the house clean. I’d been letting Caleb get away with minimal chores, but seeing him at his grandparents’ house let me take a step back. He could handle a little discipline again. We’d start enforcing that when he got back next week.

  A movement out of the periphery had me twirling toward the kitchen. Tears shimmered in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat, making the effort to breathe more labored. I mentally scolded myself for fashioning the vis
ion and allowing the hope.

  “Why can’t you be here, babe?”

  When no answer came, I gripped the edge of the kitchen counter. Waves of sadness rolled through me. Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth, in, out, in, out. The sadness will fade; you’ve got all the control, my inner voice reminded me.

  “God, Meg, that one was bad.” Believe me, I wasn’t happy with the fact that I still talked to my partner. I should have stopped years ago, three years to be exact, on the day she died.

  Instead, I couldn’t seem to stop the words that I’d said every day for eleven years from surfacing whenever I was alone. Nor could I stop the hundred times a week I swore I caught a glimpse of her.

  Just a brief flash, too quick to form a clear picture of what she was wearing but long enough to make me certain it was her and for the grief to return.

  I had to stop it, though. One of these days I might slip up in front of Caleb. He was getting old enough to realize that I wasn’t just muttering to myself. He missed his mommy, and I didn’t need to add to his sadness. Maybe it was time to reread the books on dealing with grief again. Perhaps on this pass through I’d catch some new nugget of truth that would miraculously eradicate the heaviness from my heart.

  Megan’s face stared at me from the many photographs up on the fireplace mantel. Pale blond hair, proud jaw, light blue eyes, and a nose that was charmingly a touch too long for her face.

  She’d always hated it, but I thought it made her distinctive. I considered her beautiful, but she liked handsome better. Wiry and agile, the pictures showed her actively pursuing her hobbies.

  All but the one that killed her. I’d taken the rock climbing photos down after the accident.

  “Help me, Meg, please,” I pleaded. After three years, I should be able to look at her photo without tearing up. I should be able to walk in the door and not say or even think the words I used to say. I should be able to move on.

  From the closet, I pulled out the banker’s box I’d placed there a year ago in my first real attempt to get on with my life. A jewelry box sat alone inside the cavernous space. I plucked it out and flipped open the lid. My wedding ring, a gold band of eternity gleamed from its nest inside. I’d taken it off a year ago on the day I’d decided to ask Jessie out to dinner. When she said yes and we began to see each other, I thought maybe I could handle more. I’d chosen Jessie for a reason, but she turned out not to be the woman everyone said she was, and I couldn’t use her to jumpstart my new life. She knew before I did that I still needed time to heal.

  She somehow guessed that every time I kissed her, I felt like I was cheating on Meg. She’d been as wonderful to me then as she was to me now. Why most of her friends hadn’t recognized the contemplative, considerate side of her, I’d never know.

  As I slipped the ring on my finger, the memory of Megan placing it there at our wedding hit me like a heavyweight champ delivering a knockout blow. The extra heft on my finger felt glorious, but I couldn’t keep it there. It had been my safety blanket for two years after her death. I wouldn’t let it become that again. Twisting slowly, I shed the ring for the last time.

  After more than a year at my new job, in this new town, with these new friends, it was time. No longer new, that starts now.

  With great care, I started wrapping the framed photos of Meg in newspaper and placed them in the box. I took Caleb’s two favorites and added them to the two he already had in his room.

  We could remember together, but I needed to break free of this sadness. Four more jewelry boxes were added to the growing pile.

  A few articles of clothing she’d given me, several gifts, lots of CDs, and other small trinkets I’d kept as reminders were separated into two boxes, one for charity and the other for Caleb if he ever asked for something his mommy owned. The bulk of Meg’s possessions I’d donated or given to her family in the move to Virginia, but I’d thought I could keep some of the gifts, photos, and things we’d bought together. Instead, they’d only served to prolong my grief.

  This was the only way I could think of to start anew. It was drastic, but nothing else had worked.

  The last item, the most difficult to add after my wedding ring, was the cologne she’d wear whenever we went out. I’d spritz the other pillow once a month, a crutch I’d allowed myself.

  Sometimes, it was the only way I could get to sleep, but I couldn’t keep doing that. It wasn’t fair to me. Megan was gone; it was time I realized that.

  One final whiff. “I have to let you go, Meg. I can’t keep living like this.” Tears tracked down my face as I taped the lids onto the boxes. Setting one by the back door, I climbed the other up to the attic. “You were my life, babe. Thank you for making it so good. I love you, but it’s the right time. Goodbye, Megan.” I patted the box, knowing this would be the last time I’d allow myself to speak out loud to her.

  As I made my way back down the stairs, the house seemed just as quiet as when I’d first walked in the door. But instead of the peaceful quiet of a temporarily empty house, it was gravely quiet, reflecting the permanence of a solitary life. The quiet settled over me. In time, I hoped I’d find it comforting.

  Chapter 2

  I was going to be late. I hated being late, something I’d realized over the last three years. For the eleven years before that, I never had a choice. I was almost always late. Since then, I discovered how much I disliked it now that I had complete control over my time. Starting into a sprint down the hall, I cursed the straight skirt and two inch heels.

  “Whoa, Prof! Take it easy.” One of my second-year students dramatically slammed himself against the wall.

  “Sorry, Avery, department meeting.”

  “Double time it, then!” he encouraged.

  As I neared the auditorium, I pulled up on the sprint. That actually felt good. I should really get back into a consistent routine at the gym or find a regular tennis partner.

  “Hello, Professor Gatewood,” Jonathan Wagner, one of the accounting professors, greeted as he held the door of the auditorium for me. His saccharine tone didn’t fool me. He’d been angling for my chair position in the entrepreneurship program before I’d been recruited. Instead of being angry with the dean who hadn’t hired him, he saved that treatment for me.

  “Dr. Wagner,” I managed with only minimal gritting of teeth.

  Trying to ignore him, I started scanning the seats for one of my favorite colleagues, Alexa, but she must have been running late as well. Only half the faculty was here. Guess I hadn’t needed to rush.

  “Did you enjoy your trip home, Professor,” he stressed my chosen title like it was beneath him. He preferred being called Doctor as did many of the professors in the graduate business school. It was one of the few things that got on my nerves at this university.

  I glanced back at him, wondering how he’d heard I’d gone back to Vermont over the break. His silver blue eyes held a malevolent glint. It bothered me that he was good looking. Call me petty, but I didn’t like that his spiteful behavior toward most of his colleagues was often glossed over because he looked good. If he was an ugly little man, his ugly little comments and machinations would be seen for what they were.

  “I bet that fine university there was paying you a call all week.”

  “I’m very happy here, Dr. Wagner. I couldn’t ask for a better graduate program.”

  He grunted his acknowledgement of my truth and finally took the hint that I was waiting for him to go ahead of me. I spotted three empty seats in the second row and grabbed them, plopping my laptop bag into one and my jacket on the other to save them. I nodded hello to several of the faculty around my seat and shifted to watch the door and wave Alexa and my other favorite coworker, Javier, over as soon as they showed up.

  First through the door was a petite, brunette woman I’d never seen before. Two other unfamiliar faces followed and practically trampled the first woman on their way past. It was as if they hadn’t noticed her standing there. She, on the other hand, se
emed entirely aware of them as evidenced by her large step to the side to allow them room to pass.

  My friend Alexa, finance professor extraordinaire, came through the doors next, stopping beside the woman to look around the seats. I raised a hand and she headed my way. As I was tracking her progress I saw the woman take note of the course Alexa took before heading down the aisle to take a seat in the side section. Poor woman. She’d chosen a seat two over from Dr. Wagner. He turned as she sat and visibly stiffened in his seat.

  With a mutter of words, he stood and headed toward the exit.

  Curious.

  “Hey, Bri, thanks for saving a seat. Full house today.” Alexa pulled up my coat and sank into the seat next to me with a loud exhale. “Did we figure out what this is about?” I smiled at the round face beside me. Her southern Virginia accent rolled smoothly across the sound waves. “Hey, you did it.” My fingertips couldn’t stop themselves from folding through her newly cropped, dark brown hair. She’d been threatening to cut the long locks since I’d met her. Long grey hair, she said, wouldn’t do anything for her fabulousness. Perhaps now she’d stop dyeing it to cover the patches of grey that had been plaguing her since turning forty a few years ago. “Looks wonderful, Alexa.”

  “Makes my face look fatter,” she responded offhandedly. The observation didn’t seem to bother her, nor was she fishing for a compliment. She had what most would consider an ideal body type, perfectly proportioned top and bottom. The fashion industry, men’s magazines, Hollywood and, therefore, everyone else would say that her size eighteen form was large. But she moved like a gazelle on the tennis court, so I was confident that everyone else’s perception of fit was out of whack.

  “Now we can see your beautiful eyes.” I finished ruffling through the chin length strands and tapped the bridge of her nose between her bright blue eyes.

  “No wonder you haven’t had a date in a year with a tired line like that,” she scoffed amicably. Even my work friends liked to appoint themselves mayor of Timetogetadateville. “Is that why you cut yours? Not that we get to see your eyes when those bangs get in the way.” Her comment elicited a smile. I’d recently shown her a few photos from the University of Vermont where my blond hair reached to the middle of my back. I felt I’d needed a change when I moved here. The long hair was the first thing to go, chopped to mid-neck. Getting used to bangs was also a new trick.