Blessed Twice Read online

  “Oh, how wonderful.” Lucille’s eyes gleamed proudly at her visitor.

  “Hello,” I offered, still a little shell shocked. I spread my hands over my abdomen and down my thighs, checking that my shirt was still buttoned and my knee length shorts were fastened.

  Something about her penetrating gaze made me think I might have lost my clothes.

  “Hi,” she replied, watching my hands mark their path. “What brings you here?”

  The boys burst out of Hank’s room, one shooting a Nerf dart at the other before they reached us. “Hiya, M,” Caleb called out, much to my dismay. He knew her?

  She smiled widely at them. “Hi, Caleb.” Her hands gestured effortlessly as she spoke. “You guys hanging out today?”

  “Guess what we’re going to do today?” Hank asked her. Three of the seven words trailed off without a hard ending. Almost every word that ended in a consonant tended to blend into the next as a result of suffering profound hearing loss when he was six. He wore hearing aids to help him discern some sound, but for the most part he was effectively deaf. His lip reading skills were exceptional, which made it almost as easy to communicate with him as it was for anyone not hearing impaired.

  “Are you joining the Army?” M guessed, her hands back in motion.

  “Nooo,” the boys chorused together through giggles.

  “Are you joining the circus?” Long fingers made deliberate gestures. Although unfamiliar, I now recognized she was signing her questions to them. Fluent in American Sign Language, too?

  What didn’t she know how to do?

  “Nooo.” The boys laughed again, and I felt a smile drift across my face.

  “Don’t tell me you’re joining the Boy Scouts?” Her lips pressed together in contemplation.

  “Nuh-uhn,” Caleb assured her.

  “Oh, good. I never really got the Boy Scouts. Why doesn’t someone just tell them to stand outside the room marked Boys at your school? If you wait a few seconds, the boys will come out and you won’t have to scout for them.” Raucous kid laughter drowned out mine and Lucille’s. She had these boys completely spellbound, just like with her students. I hardly recognized her as the woman who gave such timid responses to any question I posed while hunkering over the work we’d been doing together.

  “No,” Hank started and continued with a blur of his hands.

  “Hank.” M stopped him with a kind smile and tilt of her hand. “Talk out loud, so we don’t exclude others in the room.”

  “Oh yeah, sorry. We’re going to Kings Dominion,” Hank supplied then glanced at his grandmother huddled under an afghan. “Or we are if you can go with us, right, Gram?” M whirled around and stared at Lucille. “Was this the other thing you needed me to do today?”

  Lucille looked suitably guilty. “Well, I was hoping you wouldn’t mind. The boys have had their little hearts set on this for weeks.”

  “I don’t mind taking the kids by myself, really,” I interrupted, knowing part of her hesitation had to do with Hank’s impairment. The boys spent the majority of their time together under her watch, so I wasn’t as practiced with making sure that he could understand me or knowing how to get his attention at times. For an overprotective grandmother, that prospect was a little frightening.

  “How do you know Lucille?” Even though she’d asked me the question, M continued to sign for Hank’s benefit.

  “This is my mom.” Caleb curled his fingers around my forearm.

  Her eyes snapped from him to me and back again. I got this a lot because we didn’t look alike, but I refused to ease people’s discomfort by telling them that I was an adoptive parent. No law existed that said you had to look like your family members.

  Rather than the suspicious narrowing of eyes I usually received, M honored me with a grateful smile. Her eyes shifted with a fond look to my son and his best friend. “Kings Dominion was on tap for the four of you today, huh? But Lucille got the flu and now you’re down one?”

  “Yep,” both boys responded.

  “You’d like me to go, Luce?” M posed her question to the no longer worried Lucille before turning to me. “Would it be okay if I tagged along, Briony?”

  Amazed by nearly everything about her this morning, I couldn’t believe that she, who always contemplated every move she made and every response she gave, could spontaneously agree to an all-day trek through an amusement park with two kids. “Of course.”

  The boys high-fived while shouting, “Score!” and “Cool!”

  “Three conditions.” M turned back to them, barely deflating their excitement. “You stick close by, no darting off without one of us.” They nodded eagerly. “You bring some travel games so you don’t keep asking us when we’re going to get there.” Hank brushed his fist through the air twice beside his face. The sign for “yes,” I knew that much. “And three, you let me use you as a human shield on all the water rides.”

  We all laughed at that one. What a delightful way she had about herself. How was it that no one at work could recognize this about her? Well, I’d have a whole day to get to know her. I planned to use my time wisely.

  Chapter 10

  The day hadn’t gone quite as planned. Despite insisting on the travel games, M had spent the majority of the trip getting the boys to talk about their summer plans, school, baseball and soccer teams, or whatever else she could think up. If I didn’t know she was truly happy to be chatting with the boys, I’d have thought she was using them as a buffer to speaking with me.

  Once we’d gotten to the park, the boys mapped out our trek so that we’d hit every ride in the most efficient manner. It was like listening to a couple of field generals. I quickly learned that I’d be the willing follower when it came to whatever was planned today.

  Sometime in the late afternoon, we approached the one ride I’d been dreading: a sheer 272-foot drop. My stomach couldn’t take it. As the boys ran ahead of us to the start of the long line, I stopped them. “Listen, guys, I’m going to sit this one out.”

  “Aww, Mom,” Caleb coaxed.

  “You go ahead, I’ll watch from the bench over there.” I pointed at one of the seating areas in the shade of the oak trees.

  “Scaredy cat,” Caleb taunted.

  “Scaredy cat who won’t risk wetting her pants by sitting out this ride,” I boasted.

  “Now, you’ve got me worried.” M tilted her neck up to glare at the menacing ride. “Do you mind company?” My head pitched back on its own, surprised by her request.

  “That would be nice. They’ll be in line for some time.”

  “You guys okay to take this one solo?” she asked. They grinned like they were about to get away with something, but she stopped their hasty escape. “You stay in line. When you’re done with the ride, you follow the exit right back to where it comes out over there.” She pointed to the opening in the fence where dazed riders were emerging from the exit. “We’ll be right here. What do you do if someone approaches you and asks you to go somewhere with them?”

  “Run away and find you or a police officer,” Hank responded.

  “What do you do if a nice man asks for your help with finding his kids?” While the first question was pretty standard, this one had me swallowing roughly.

  “Run away,” Hank repeated.

  “And if a nice lady in line offers you something to drink, what then?”

  “Say ‘no, thank you,’ ” Hank said.

  “Does this make sense, Caleb?”

  He glanced nervously at me before he answered, “Yeah.”

  “It’s okay to talk to the people in line around you. Just don’t go anywhere with them or accept anything from them, okay?” Her voice was steady and sure, trying not to frighten the kids, but I detected an undercurrent of fear in her tone. I didn’t know the whole story about Hank’s mother, but she was the reason he’d lost his hearing. Perhaps something more sinister than what I’d thought was her neglectful disregard of a bad fever occurred.

  “M’s right, kids,” I
offered in a lighter voice. “You’re in line to go on the ride. Then you’re right back here, got it?”

  “Yeppers,” Caleb agreed, visibly more relaxed now that I’d supported her warnings. They waved and raced away.

  “I didn’t mean to scare your son. Hank is used to it.” M floated to the bench beside me.

  “No, it’s fine. I should have thought of it. Of course, I’ve had the ‘stranger’ talk with him, but reminders are obviously necessary. Thank you.”

  She nodded and the direct gaze she’d been using with the boys faltered. “Caleb’s an extraordinary person. You must be so proud.”

  I caught my breath at her unusually phrased compliment. “I am, thank you. He’s the light of my life.”

  “I’ve known Hank since he came to live with his grandmother.” She watched the dramatic drop of the ride the kids would soon brave. “Caleb is his first friend.” I faced her on the bench, shocked to hear that. “Kids don’t like people who are different. Hank talks funny; he doesn’t always pick up everything they say; he’s hard to be around because you have to make sure you’re facing him when you talk. That’s not easy for adults to handle, let alone kids. They avoided him, made fun of him, were mean to him. This is his third school in four years.” My eyes misted for that sweet boy. “About a year ago, Hank started talking nonstop about this new boy named Caleb. When I finally saw them together, Caleb treated him like any other kid, like nothing about Hank was different or abnormal. Because of him, Hank has made a few more friends. They aren’t like Caleb, though. I’m sorry that I never made it a point to meet his mother and thank her for such a wonderfully accepting boy.” Her hands had continued to sign. I smiled and reached out to give her a break, but before I touched her, her hands dropped to her sides. She gave a sheepish look, obviously not aware she’d been signing.

  “That’s the best compliment I’ve ever received.” Far better than anything anyone could say about me. “I wish I could take all the credit, but Caleb’s wonderful all on his own.”

  “He’s added decades to Lucille’s life now that she doesn’t constantly worry about Hank.”

  “How do you know her?” I brought my leg up and rested an elbow on the back of the bench to get more comfortable.

  She watched my adjustment intently, waiting until I’d settled into another position before answering. “She had a flat in the grocery store parking lot and not one person stopped to help. I drove her to the tire shop for a new one then changed it for her when we got back to her car. It was the only time I’ve ever been late for a class.”

  “That was very generous of you, and you’ve been performing chores for her ever since?”

  “It’s my pleasure.” She dismissed the idea that anything she did for Lucille was a chore. “She reminds me of—” I leaned forward, waiting to hear the comparison, but nothing came.

  When she realized I wouldn’t let it go, she admitted, “The nun who took me in.”

  “You were raised by a nun?”

  “She had to leave the Church to keep me, but she’d found me and didn’t want to let me go, so she left.”

  “Wow. Child services didn’t get involved?” That was hard to imagine, even over thirty years ago.

  She looked away, her eyes flicking from person to person seeming to take a head count. “I was apparently in bad shape when she found me, some physical abuse and severe malnutrition.

  I had to stay in the hospital for weeks. My response rates were slow, and the doctors were convinced I’d be intellectually and developmentally disabled. In those days, the word ‘retarded’ made me unadoptable.”

  Again with the wow. Who said doctors always knew what they were doing? And looking at her now, it was amazing to imagine she’d ever had any problems intellectually or physically. “So your nun found you, got you to a hospital, and probably stayed by your side every day until she decided that you were more important than her choice of life?”

  “Yeah,” she agreed with an amazed laugh. “She was about Lucille’s age. Being a nun was all she knew, but she gave it up for a baby who showed up late one night.”

  “Well, babies can have that effect on people.” I spoke from experience. During Megan’s pregnancy, I was scared witless that the kid would arrive and I wouldn’t love it enough. The fear was one of the reasons I’d never wanted children. But like the old cliché, the second he was put in my arms, my heart melted. “Did she name you?”

  The smile reached her eyes this time. I could tell she’d come to expect my guesses. “Yes.”

  “First and last?” A single nod to confirm. “That means there’s a high likelihood that your name is Latin or a saint’s name. Mary?

  Margaret? Mary-Margaret? Margaret-Mary?” She laughed and the sound burrowed deep inside me. “You’re probably not even going to tell me if I guess right, are you?” She glanced away, but the smile remained, confirming my suspicion. “Wait a minute! A nun, an ex-nun, gave you a last name that is the first name of the man who poked fun at the Catholic Church, inciting reform while remaining a devote Catholic?”

  “You know In Praise of Folly?” Her eyes flashed, delighted interest making them glitter in the sunshine.

  I nodded and gave a breathy laugh. “Oh, I like this nun.”

  “Yes, she was something.”

  Uh-oh. “She’s not with us anymore?” A slight headshake was my only reply. “I’m sorry to hear that. She sounds like a terrific lady.”

  She looked away suddenly. I knew that she was fighting tears.

  I’d made the same motion myself many times over the last three years. Normally, this would spur my own tears for Megan, but this time, my eyes misted for her sadness.

  “How do you know Quinn and Jessie?” She posed the question to the start of the ride’s line with a rough voice. It was meant as a diversion, but I didn’t mind.

  “I met Jessie at her club when I joined. Is that how you know her?”

  “Yeah.” She exhaled and turned back, totally composed. “Did she introduce you to Quinn or did you meet her on campus?”

  “Through Jess.” Since we were becoming friends, I decided to be completely truthful. “Actually, Jess and I were seeing each other for a while.”

  It wasn’t shock that met me, but it wasn’t the knowing look I’d expected either. “But Jessie is…”

  “A woman?” I prompted lightly. “Yes, I’m gay.” And so are you, or at least I’m ninety percent sure. Now would be the perfect time to tel me.

  Chapter 11

  The wait took longer than I expected. Park sounds filled the space between us as I waited for any telling expression to cross her face or for what I figured she’d admit. Instead, she nodded, checked her watch, then trained her eyes on the exit area of the ride.

  Okay, maybe I was wrong. Or maybe I’ve shocked her into silence. Maybe she was now contemplating the fact that she had a few more hours stuck in a park with a big, scary lesbian. Having been raised by a nun, it wasn’t outside the realm of possibility.

  Not that being five-five and a half is big, and I’m hardly scary, except when I’ve had a particularly fitful night after forgetting to take off my makeup.

  “Jessie is a nice woman,” she said to break the silence, a first for her. Silence didn’t seem to bother M the way it bothered others.

  “Yes, she is. She introduced me to her group of friends, and they’ve sort of adopted me.”

  “That’s nice.”

  Yes, it was. I was still getting used to having a large group of friends. Some nosy, some obnoxious, some sarcastic, but all very caring.

  “Mom! Mom! You missed out. That ride was so cool.” Caleb raced up to us and slid himself onto my lap. The unconscious movement spurred my arms to fold around him.

  Hank stood next to M looking at Caleb’s position then at her.

  She signed something to him and stood quickly. “Did your face get stretched by the G-force on that ride?” she joked with him. He tested the stretch on his cheeks and soon Caleb was pulling at
his own face. They dissolved into a fit of giggles.

  “What’s next?” I stood from the bench, ready to get on another coaster.

  “When we were way up there,” Hank pointed to the top of the ride, “we saw something we missed on the map.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Caleb agreed enthusiastically.

  “A rock climbing wall,” Hank said.

  “Yeah, can we try it, Mom? Huh?”

  The words slammed into me at lightning speed. Panic took hold of my heart, squeezing painfully. Swirls of hot changing to ice cold turned my gut inside out. The sudden onslaught of sensations coupled with panic shocked my system. I could feel myself start to hyperventilate. My hand shot out to grasp the back of the bench but not before floating dots of black swam before my eyes until only black remained.

  Caleb’s voice kept calling out to me, but I couldn’t see him because my eyes were closed. After a couple of fluttering attempts, they finally opened and focused. The first thing I saw was Caleb.

  Those eyes so like mine showed worry, only I couldn’t understand why. “Mom? Are you okay? Please, you have to be okay. You have to.” He gripped my arms tightly.

  I couldn’t understand how I was looking up at him. It took a moment to orient, but I realized I was practically prone with my head and torso cushioned by something. “What? What happened?”

  “You fainted.” M’s soft voice floated from somewhere above me. I couldn’t see her but felt something shift behind me and realized that she was my cushion. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, I’m sorry.” I propelled myself upright and twisted to look at her. The cause of the fainting spell came back suddenly and the icy chill returned.

  M moved to stand from the sprawled position that must have kept me from hitting the ground. She reached a hand toward my shoulder then snapped it back to her side, her eyes glued to the appendage as if it had acted against her will. “You scared us a little, right, guys?”

  Caleb climbed back into my lap. “Don’t do that again, Mom.” His forceful grip on my neck didn’t stop the tremor that ran through his body.