Forevermore Page 14

  “You make it sound so easy.” Her eyes drifted off toward the windows lining the front of the restaurant. “It shouldn’t be easy to walk away from this.”

  “It won’t be easy, and you won’t be walking away. There may be times when we can’t drive up to meet you or match up school vacations. We’re going to have to work together to make it so we’re all a part of her life. I don’t get to see my nieces and nephews very often, but I do feel like I’m a big part of their life. We’d want the same with you. As much as you’d want.”

  “How can I…” she started but couldn’t seem to finish.

  “Tell her?” I guessed. Hope surged for the first time all day.

  “If we were to do this, yes. She’s been moved all over from what I can tell. Yours was the only place she stayed at for more than four months. She’s only been with me for two.”

  “We’d like to be there to talk to her with you,” Briony said. “To be honest, we haven’t talked to her about adoption. We’d planned to do that this summer, but you came back into her life, so we never got around to broaching the subject.”

  Nell’s mouth popped open. “Are you saying you don’t even know if she’d be okay with it?”

  “Not exactly. We’re sure that she liked living with us. She asked if she could stay when your petition came through.”

  Nell glared at Briony.

  Briony waved her hands to assure her she hadn’t meant any insult. “Only because she didn’t really know what it would be like with you. Kids don’t like change any more than we do. She made some good friends in Charlottesville, and she gets along really well with Caleb. We think she’d like to come back.”

  “I don’t know. We’re doing okay. Once we find the right apartment, we’ll be great.”

  That wasn’t what we wanted to hear. I thought we’d begun to swing her around to the idea of being the aunt she was supposed to be and letting us be parents, but it sounded like she was building a wall again. In fact, I didn’t think we could even ask to see Olivia tomorrow like we’d planned based on the tone she was using now. We’d have to hope she held true to her word that we could see Olivia when Caleb came back from Vermont at the end of the summer.

  “It’s a lot to think about, we know,” Briony told her. She was good at making people feel okay with being unsure. “We don’t expect you to decide anything now. We just wanted you to know how much we love your niece and want her in our lives.”

  She could have said so much more. How much Olivia loved living with us. How she begged us not to make her leave. How her grades flourished and worry vanished in our home. Every bit of proof we had that Olivia was better off with us than an aunt who was having a hard time taking care of herself right now. But that was the difference between Briony and me. I might have said some of those things and probably gotten Nell’s defenses up and shut down all future possibilities to even talk to Olivia much less see her.

  “Okay,” Nell said and nodded at us. “I’m glad…that is, she thinks a lot of you. Thank you for stepping in when her family wasn’t able to.”

  Wasn’t able to? They refused. Sure, Nell was just a junior in college. It would have been tough, but many, many others had done it before.

  “She’s been a blessing to us,” Briony said as her eyes dimmed at the finality in Nell’s tone. We’d made our plea for Olivia’s sake, for our sake, for a future that included Olivia, and Nell thanked us for what we’d done in the past.

  It wasn’t a certainty, but the way Nell was acting, our adoption hope was going to stay a hope indefinitely.

  27 / OLIVIA

  TRYING NOT TO CRY feels almost as bad as crying. I’d been fighting the urge since I woke up extra early. I wanted to be awake when my aunt was getting ready for work. It was too much to hope that she’d take the day off, but I really thought she’d at least say something while we were having breakfast. When she didn’t, when all she did was rush through a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee, when she didn’t even ask why I was up before she left for work, I swallowed everything I planned to tell her.

  I was supposed to get my ears pierced today. I was supposed to have cake and ice cream and go to the movies or the zoo or a museum or whatever I wanted to do because that’s what my mom had planned for my twelfth birthday.

  She would wake me up like she did every year with a cheery, “Wakey, wakey, birthday girl. It’s your special day.” It didn’t matter if it was a work day. She’d always take the day off to spend with me. Most birthdays it was just us having fun. She’d try to make each one special, but it was my twelfth birthday that she’d planned for me to get my ears pierced.

  As if my birthday could be worse without my mom here, Aunt Nell hadn’t said anything. She was always quiet in the morning, so I thought she just needed a little time to get her coffee working. But she placed her mug in the sink and gathered her bag and slipped on her heels and told me to have a nice day like usual. Then she walked out the door without saying anything. She forgot that today was my birthday.

  For the first time since my mom died I’d been looking forward to a birthday because finally I was with someone who cared. Briony had been planning my day since Caleb’s birthday in March. When I told her about Mom’s plan, she was as excited as I was about getting my ears pierced. I thought I’d get as close to a Mom birthday as I could get without her here. Then Aunt Nell came along and it’s been tough, but I thought she’d remember. She used to send cards and she’d spent two birthdays with me before Mom died. But this morning, nothing. It was just another day for her, and I couldn’t just tell her because it wouldn’t mean anything. It would be just like at those other foster homes when they found out my birthday had passed while I lived with them. A promise to do something next year when we all knew that I’d never be with them next year.

  Paige surfaced from her bedroom looking professional. “Hey, Livy, I’m off to a client meeting. You’re on your own for the day. Don’t party too hard,” she joked as she dashed out the door.

  I waited until I heard her car start up before I let my tears fall. This wasn’t fair. Aunt Nell took me from the best home I could ever have and I didn’t complain. She made me live with her dorky boyfriend, who turned out to be a jerk, and I didn’t complain. She moved us into an apartment that was hardly big enough for one person, and I’m really trying not to complain. But forgetting a day I’d been looking forward to for four years since Mom first mentioned what she had planned, it was too much. I tried not to be selfish, Aunt Nell was going through a lot, but shouldn’t she remember her niece’s birthday?

  My phone buzzed. The apartment was so quiet that I could hear my phone buzzing from the living room even when I was blowing my nose in the bathroom. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, but it might be Aunt Nell.

  “Happy Birthday, Olivia!” Briony and M sang through the line.

  Tears came to my eyes again as I listened to them sing the entire song. I wiped them away and swiped another tissue under my nose.

  “What are you guys up to today, sweetie?” Briony asked.

  “Um,” I hesitated because like my mom, Briony and M planned to take the day off and celebrate with me. We were going to bake a cake in the morning, then Briony and M were taking me to the mall to get my ears pierced, and after that we were going to the zoo with Caleb, Hank, and Eden. The zoo was one of my favorite places. Caleb would have told me to ask for an amusement park, but he liked the zoo almost as much. Then we’d go out to dinner and come home for cake and ice cream and Eden was going to spend the night. It was more than my mom had ever planned for me. I’d been looking forward to it since the day after Caleb’s birthday when we started planning mine. Instead I was listening to them sing to me on the phone and ask what my aunt was going to do for me. I hoped they didn’t think less of Aunt Nell because she hadn’t taken the day off. “Aunt Nell had to work, and Paige just left for a meeting.”

  There was a brief pause before Briony’s bright voice came back with, “I’ll bet they have some
thing big planned after work. Maybe dinner out or something really fun?”

  No chance of that, but I couldn’t really say that to the two women who would have made this day really special for me. “Probably,” I replied with as much fake enthusiasm as I could muster. They didn’t need to know that my aunt had forgotten my birthday.

  “Did you get our gift yet?” M asked. “We set the delivery date for today.”

  “Oh, you guys didn’t have to get me anything.” But darn it, I was really glad they had.

  “Of course we did, honey. You don’t turn twelve every day,” Briony said. “We wish we could be there to see you open it.”

  “Me, too. Thank you so much.” We talked a little more about what I’d been doing and how their trip was and every word made me sadder. I hoped that they were going to stop by for a visit when they got back, but they didn’t mention it. As much as I loved talking to them, maybe I shouldn’t do this anymore. Maybe I should send Willa’s phone back so I wouldn’t be tempted to talk to them again.

  About an hour after that call, Willa called and Quinn texted, then I got a text from Jessie and Lauren, several texts and calls from Eden, a text and a call from Caleb, and a text from Hank. I missed them all so much.

  After lunch, UPS knocked on the door and handed me a package. I smiled wide, not just because I knew this was Briony and M’s gift, but because this was my first package ever. Aunt Nell used to send me cards when I lived with Mom, but I’d never gotten a package before.

  I took my time opening the box. Stuffed inside lots of colorful tissue paper was a small gift wrapped box. Unwrapping the present, I felt a little excitement return. The black velvet box brought on the tears again. I knew what it was before I opened it. Two peridot stones blinked at me, nestled into the velvet. The gold posts would have been perfect for newly healed pierced ears. Peridot, my birthstone, I felt a mixture of sadness and joy. I’d be selfish for as long as Briony and M wanted to keep contacting me. It would be a reward for the lousy foster homes and the absentminded aunt I’d lived with so far.

  By the time Aunt Nell got home after work, I’d gotten over feeling bad that she didn’t remember my birthday. None of my foster homes had celebrated, I never thought I’d get another birthday party. Just because Briony and M had planned a big day for me didn’t mean I should have planned for something like that to actually happen.

  Some kids get birthday parties, and some kids get to live with their aunt who is doing everything she can to keep them safe. Birthday parties weren’t everything. No one would be like my mom and no one would be like Briony and M. I just needed to get that, so my expectations were at the right level from now on.

  28 / OLIVIA

  THE NEIGHBOR WAS WASHING his sports car again. He washed it every week and barely drove it. His six and eight-year-old kids didn’t even fit in it, so I wasn’t sure why he owned it. Paige called it his mid-life crisis car.

  I glanced up toward his unit, wondering where his kids were. Usually they’d be up trying to douse each other with the hose. It was pretty funny to watch, which was why I was sitting on the staircase waiting. They should be up, but no sounds were coming from his open windows. He probably switched weekends with his ex-wife or something.

  He was buffing the wax from the bright red paint job, almost done. It would be another two hours before any of the other kids in the complex were up and about. Two boys a little older than me always kicked a soccer ball around the parking lot for an hour or so. It reminded me of kicking the ball around with Caleb in the backyard. He always had suggestions for something to do. We played catch as much as we kicked the soccer ball or used the net in the backyard to play volleyball and badminton. If the boys were half as nice as Caleb, I’d ask to play with them, but they were kind of intimidating. At least they didn’t make any comments when they caught me watching them.

  This past week had been really boring. Caleb was busy with his cousins in Vermont. Hank was at a sleep away camp, and Eden was in Germany visiting her mom. No one had any spare time to text, and it wouldn’t change for another week.

  I stood from the steps and headed back to the apartment. Aunt Nell slept in on Saturdays, but we only had the next two weekends to find an apartment otherwise I’d have to start school around here and possibly move to another school when they found the right place. If I made coffee, that usually woke her up.

  Paige was already in the kitchen when I came inside. It looked like she was on her second cup of coffee. She and Aunt Nell had gone to Dillon’s for a couple of hours last night, and Aunt Nell came back without her. She tipped her head at me and immediately pressed a palm to her forehead. I knew that gesture. She had a hangover. That meant Aunt Nell might have one, too. We’d be lucky to see any apartments today.

  I heard Aunt Nell’s door open and tilted back to watch her duck into the bathroom. Paige poured a cup of coffee and walked it down the hall. She tapped on the door twice, opened it, and set the mug on the vanity before coming back toward me.

  “Coffee?” she asked me.

  I frowned. I never knew if she was joking or if she thought everyone drank coffee, even kids. I shook my head and went to the fridge. The orange juice carton was empty but still sitting in the fridge. That would have prompted a lecture from M. The milk carton stood beside the coffee maker and had just enough to add to a couple more cups of coffee or a glass for me. I left it sitting there and filled a glass with water.

  “Want me to make scrambled eggs?” I asked Paige.

  “Please.” Paige dropped onto a stool at the counter that served as both extra kitchen space and the only dining surface in the apartment.

  Aunt Nell appeared in the living room just as I was dishing out the eggs onto three plates. She’d showered but still looked a bit like she was asleep as she shuffled around the corner toward us. Her foot caught the edge of my duffle bag that I kept tucked away beside the sofa. She stumbled for two steps until she righted herself and laughed at her clumsiness.

  Some of my things spilled out of the open duffle. I went to put everything back, but she’d already stopped and started straightening it again. Her hand grasped the birthday card from M and Briony and was putting it back when she looked at it.

  Her eyes widened as they shot up to meet mine. “Your birthday? When?” Her face scrunched up. “Oh, crap, last week. Oh, Livy, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I forgot.”

  “It’s okay,” I said because she looked pretty upset. It wasn’t okay, but there was no point making her feel worse about it.

  She came up to me and wrapped me in her arms. Paige joined in and patted my back. They shared a guilty look that they thought I couldn’t read. “We’ll get some cupcakes and candles today, okay? Twelve candles, right? You’ll need two cupcakes to hold all those candles.”

  “Maybe three,” Paige said in a cheery voice.

  That was nice of them. A little late and not at all like the birthday plans I had, but still really nice of them. My aunt was trying and she seemed to be getting the hang of this parenting thing. I just had to give her more time. She loved me. I knew that. She made that clear. She just hadn’t gotten to the point where she thought of me whenever she was making plans. That would come in time.

  M / 29

  Closing a door never felt as good as it did just now. We’d barely been home from Boston before Caroline, Sam, Kayin, and Isabel insisted they come over for a game night. I absolutely hated hosting people at my house, but this was one of those things I had to get over when I married Briony. I couldn’t ask her to keep her friends away, not when they used to come to her house for dinner or games or whatever. We’d had a reprieve for a year and a half when Caroline and Sam were caught up in having a baby and Kayin and Isabel were separated. These four had been tight with Briony from the beginning, but even she had gotten sick of some of their drama. Still, she tried to maintain a relationship with them even if they focused on their own lives to the point of not really carrying about anyone else. I honestly couldn’t see what
they had in common, but Briony liked a lot of variety in friends.

  “Damn, I’m glad they didn’t bring that baby.” Briony leaned her forehead against the door I’d just closed behind “our” friends. “That makes me a bitch, but I really don’t care.”

  I stroked her shoulder, completely agreeing but not needing to say it. It might make one of the few disagreements we had flare up again. I’d much rather go out to dinner with that group than have them over, but they all rotated houses for game night or movie night and Briony had always been in the rotation. When she first told me about it, I told her that wasn’t going to happen. Flat out, didn’t want any of them coming to our home. I’d never let anyone into my home other than a building manager and Briony. The idea of them coming here and passing judgment or seeing how I lived didn’t sit well with me. Briony didn’t appreciate my firm veto. She understood it at first, but the understanding waned the longer we lived together. She didn’t want to become the social hermit I’d been and expected me to understand that and accommodate. My compromise was to take them out to dinner or a movie, but they didn’t agree, so my only option was to accept it. I didn’t like it, but Briony enjoyed it from time to time. At other times, she would have liked to use me as an excuse for begging off her turn in the rotation.

  “Did you hate it?” Briony turned to face me.

  I shrugged. She knew that I liked Isabel and Sam well enough. Kayin was more difficult for me because she asked direct and sometimes probing questions that I was never comfortable answering and made comments that made me feel inferior at times. Caroline now only talked about the baby. I was never a fan of babies.

  “Once every three months, darling. Suck it up.” She winked, knowing I’d lost this argument years ago.

  “You’re so understanding.” I pinched her side and managed to slip past her revenge seeking hands on my way back to the living room. Several trips into the kitchen later, I had the living room as neat as I’d made it before the foursome descended.